Riding the Bench

    Remember how I said, I had dated a few different guys here and there? Well, after Sebie and I broke up, I started going for older guys. I decided that these guys were more established, mature, so on, and so on. During this period, very shortly, I dated the head baseball coach for a Junior College(Florence Darlington Technical College). Of course when you read that you are probably thinking that I was dated a 40 year old guy...NO, he is just very successful for his age-only 26. This relationship was a little off-set. I was the "perfect" girlfriend some might say and he was the rather mean, overly controlling boyfriend so inevitably, I broke up with him because again why give your love away to someone undeserving? Since I broke up with him , he has claimed to have made a complete turnaround...this could be true; he has sent me flowers, novel- long text messages, and anything else you can think of apologizing and telling me that he has changed. However, I learned about second chances with Sebie. Second chances are just an open opportunity for someone to screw it up, AGAIN.
    The reason I blog about this is because dating older guys, especially the head coach of a college baseball team, when you are still pretty young yourself has a funny effect. When people say that age is just a number and it doesn't matter, I guess I believe them now. People don't judge you by how old you are(most people think I am at least 24 anyway) but they judge you by your maturity and the atmosphere in which you live.
     So the other night, my friend and I went to a local club. The reason for going to this club is because it is the only place in Florence that you can dance, which being a Zumba instructor, of course I love doing that. So I was so excited because I have not been out dancing in MONTHS! We walk in the club, head towards the side of the dance floor when I notice this huge group of young guys, most looking around 18 or so just staring at me! I have what my friend and I like to call, "ABPR, which is Accurate Baseball Player Radar," I can spot a baseball player from miles away because it's all I've known all my life. So this group of guys, I could tell, were all collegiate baseball players and since Florence only has two collegiate baseball programs, one at FMU which I know all of them since I dated one for five years, and one at Florence Darlington, I knew immediately that they were my ex's players.
     About ten minutes in to our club appearance, two of the young guys come up to me and ask me to dance with them. Well, I knew that I could not do that so I was forced to respond, "I don't think your coach would like that." Their mouths hit the floor and immediately they realized who I was...This started a rave at the club. They went back and reminded all of their teammates who I was as well. Some came up and spoke to me, others tried to hide from me so that I couldn't see what they were doing, others came and begged me to not tell their coach that they were here. All I wanted to do was DANCE!!! The only place in Florence that you can dance is obviously not an option for me now either because of this reason...
     I knew that when I made the decision to date someone in my ex's position that I would have to change my life to accommodate but I thought that months later, it wouldn't matter. Well, I was wrong. Once you make the decision to date more maturely, you have to make the decision to be a "grown up" for the rest of your time living at that place.
     I ended up leaving the club very soon. Immediately when I sat in the driver's seat of my car, my heart sank. I am officially out of the game. I am officially riding the bench. I thought that at any second those baseball players may refer to me as "MRS."! A two month relationship, just TWO months, has now caused me to be viewed as an old lady. It doesn't matter to me that the guys kept saying to me, "how did coach get you, you're really hot?!?" What matters is that even if one of those players were 22 years old, 6'5", and the sweetest God-loving guy in the world, I couldn't pursue him. Not only because of my respect for my ex, but because the kid obviously thinks of me as his mother!
     After my short period of depression about the whole thing for the past couple of days, I blog about it today in a much more joking way. I knew subconsciously when I began dating my ex that it would take me out of the playing field for most all decent-looking young guys in Florence so now I have to just suck it up and go on. One thing I did learn, however, is that this is just another reason as to why come May, it's time for me to pick up and move to a new place. Time for me to start over. Time for me to make a life for myself. Time for people to get to know ME, not me as someone's ex/property! Time for me to be able to go out and dance all night if I want to, not caring who might see me. Time for me to quit riding the bench and step back up to the plate... I'm so ready! I know that God has a great purpose for me and I plan to follow his will for the rest of my life. I will let him pick my location, my career, my soul-mate, everything! It is all in his hands! All according to him! I will do everything to his glory!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6