Me and My Major League Man

Wednesday, July 11, 2012:

I sat in bed working while Josh was still sleeping. He always looks a million times more peaceful than he even should while he is knocked out and dreaming.

I heard his phone ringing, well it was on vibrate so I heard it vibrating, I jumped up to get it. Typically, I will answer if I know the number but today there was no caller ID just an unknown number. I shook him awake and said, "Hey Josh, the phone is ringing wake up!" His response..."ughhhhhhhhhhh" He popped up and in the fakest,oh-yeah-I-haven't-been-sleeping-all-day voice, he answers the phone.

It didn't take me but a couple of muffled words to recognize the voice of Wally Backman, Josh's coach in Buffalo. I saw Josh's face turn into a shocked, scared, fully involved emotional look. I immediately realized what this was. Josh Edgin was being called up to the New York Mets Major League Team.

He got off the phone, stood up, and put his arms around me. I have seen that look and felt that sort of hug once before...the day he was drafted by the Mets back in 2010. There wasn't much time to sit around and chit-chat about it because he had to pack his bags and get ready to board a plane to NYC.

There is no one more deserving of this role. People may say I am biased and of course I am but he is amazing. He is the sweetest most hard-working man I know. He was a 30th round draft pick and in two short years has earned himself a spot on the 40-man roster for the New York Mets.

There it was. Our lives were changing again. I packed a small suitcase and all of the necessities and left early the next morning to head south to Atlanta, GA where the Mets would be opening their second half.

I sat in the stands shaking and barely breathing when he hustled out to the mound from the bullpen last Friday  night. He came in with the bases loaded and one out. What did he do?? He struck two guys out!!A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! They brought him back in the next inning and he struck a couple more out then it was time to face Chipper Jones. Chipper Jones, twice our age and I am certain we have all idolized him at some point in our youth. Just one strike away and Josh left one hanging...Chipper didn't waste one second and cleared the fence in left-center. But who cares?!?!?! This was his debut and he did so wonderful. I was crying joyous tears in the stands at Turner Field while everyone probably thought I was a nut case. My guy, standing right there, big on the mound at Turner Field, doing what he has dreamed of doing since he was old enough to hold a baseball.

Saturday night, he jogged out to the mound once again and he didn't disappoint. THREE strikeouts. At least this time I didn't cry. Just smiled and smiled almost feeling the joy and overwhelming pride that he must have been feeling.

That picture was Josh pitching to Chipper Jones right before the big hit. It was the only picture I could snap through all of my anxiousness. He was incredible.

I always wondered what Josh would be like when he got to do this one day. What the day would feel like when all of his baseball dreams came true? God has truly blessed us with knowing what it feels like now. There have been times when our faith has probably ran just a little low but we held on and Joshua kept working his hardest to get where he is.

I am so proud of my Major League New York Mets Pitcher, and I am more than thrilled that I get to stand by his side through it all.

What Dreams Are Made Of

Tonight I am restless. I miss my baseball boy. I am wishing now more than ever that he was laying here with me watching some weird History Channel stuff while I read. We would make dumb jokes and laugh about them...jokes that no one else would think was funny. With all this emotion I figured the best thing for me to do is write.

Ah. My niece. My only niece. I have so much love to give that little girl. After all, she is the only little one that has ever called me Aunt. Well, that will be changing around next March. My sister-in-law called me yesterday crying and screaming and loving the idea that she saw two pink lines. I am going to be an Aunt again.

She is perfect. In every single way. Just look at her. I love that smile and that silliness. She has her very own personality now and it is way too cute to even begin describing. 

And then there's her...my big sister. HAHAHA.. All I can do is laugh sometimes at us. We are going to be 60 years old and still have the dumbest fights. Half the time, I don't even know what we argue about but she is my best friend. I would lay my life down for her so willingly. God planned us to be sisters. He made us, two very different people, from the same woman and man. It blows my mind. God is amazing.

And him. Big brother. So protective. He is also one of boyfriend's best friends. I crack up at him. All. The. Time. He's such a character. A great husband. An incredible father. An amazing big brother. Every single thing a man should try to be. I adore that guy!

And him....my soul mate. My super hero. My knight in shining armor. My everything. He is the man I can't imagine life without. He is the man that God created with me in mind. He gave him every quality that I want and need in a man. I struggle with our little lives. We are a few hundred miles away from each other because of baseball but we keep the spark lit. He's such a stud. Yikes I'm so in love.

I wondered for a long time what my life would be like when I "grew up." Could it be any more perfect? Every single dream I ever had, God outdid it! This is exactly what dreams are made of!!

8 days here. 8 days there. 8 days away from me everywhere.

From city to city and back to Buffalo he jumps. Ahhhh the life of a girl with a traveling baseball boyfriend. I have a routine though, don't worry. When I leave him, I cry the whole way home, pretty much the whole next day, then the third day I start getting cozy by myself again. We must say the words a hundred times a day, "I love you. I miss you."

This past week with Josh was so much fun. Between my work craziness, the humidity, and 4 hour long baseball games...we managed to have a beach day, two dinner dates, and even got to take an evening stroll in Downtown Durham. I love him. Simple as that. He makes my heart so happy.

This week, I met lots of new people and I adore each and every one of them. I was reminded that I am not the only girl who lives like this. There is a wife who had to stay behind in the Double A town while her hubby got moved to Triple A. There is a wife who had to say good-bye to her hubby to get their 8 month old back home into his normal routine. I am amazed. I would say we are pretty strong women but maybe I'm biased. Baseball is a funny thing. People will sit near me at games and start asking millions of questions. As if my head doesn't already have trouble keeping up, why don't we just add a game of 20 questions from all these strangers in the grand stand.

Ohhhhh and don't let me forget to mention how frustrating it can be after the games when I see Joshua walking toward the door to come out and meet me. I get so excited and he heads right to me, I open my arms up and BOOM, here are these looney, I love baseball people cutting me off with their baseball books full of baseball cards to get autographs. Okay, arms back by my side...why don't I just wait? It's not like I am his girlfriend or anything??

Someone said to me this week, "Sucks Josh won't be playing in the All-Star game!" Without even thinking, I word vomited, "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?! We are gonna get on the four-wheeler in PA and go riding and star gazing and cuddling and kissing and hugging and eating buffalo wings and home cooked meals every single day of that three day All-Star break!" Ooopsies. I know. I know. I should want him to make the All-Star game but I am just so excited for a couple of days where we don't have to think about stretch times and anxiety attacks while he warms up in the bullpen. I love to date him. It sounds silly but I do. I love to be his girlfriend. We get to be normal for three whole days and even if anyone wants to call or come find us they won't because we will be in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania! Only 12 more days! Who couldn't be going crazy with excitement right now?!?! I love my crazy life even if it does mean I have a somewhat prodigal boyfriend. hehe, totally kidding. :)

Let me keep you laughing...All You Need Is Love!

Pathetic little love sick girl.

Yep, that's me...I am the girl who is in love with the baseball boy. I am the girl who had a great career and a great house at the beach. I am the girl who gave it all away because my honey was more important to me.

All I can do is giggle. Then I wonder if I am crazy. Then I answer yes to my own question and giggle some more.

I always thought that I wanted to be an important part of everyone's world. Now I realize I only want to be the most important part of his. Josh. Joshua. J. Whatever I feel like calling him whenever I am talking about him which is basically all the time. When God made him, I just know he said..."Goodness I have done it again! This guy is going to be perfect for her. This Northern boy is gonna be that Southern girl's biggest blessing." I am crazy but he and I were no accident. I adore him. We laugh about the silliest things. We fear our futures together but we do it together, TOGETHER and I love it. I will be to him in 12 days. 1....2....3....4....5....6.....7....8.....9,10,11,12. Okay, okay hurry up already!

My priorities were all out of whack before God took the blinders off and showed me what is most important in life. A career is not most important. A house is not most important. A car is not most important. Money is not most important. Love is most important. It's sweet and totally free and no one can ever take it from you. You have complete control over love. It is all yours as long as you want it. I love that.

God's Greater Plans

What better thing to do than blog on a four hour flight? 

Flight number 1:(Florence to Charlotte) I arrived at the airport at 4:40a.m. We board the plane at 5 and take off at 5:20a.m. There weren't too many people full of energy and even though I typically wake up at this time I still didn't want to be bothered either. Couldn't the four people behind have felt the same way too? They talked and laughed loudly and told terrible jokes for the longest 27 minutes of my life. I was completely relieved when the pilot came on and said we were preparing to land. Praise Jesus! Safe flight and I don't have to hear these loud people anymore! 

Flight number 2:(Charlotte to Las Vegas) After I downed a huge strawberry banana smoothie from Jamba Juice I was much more prepared to take on this day. We boarded the plane at 7:20a.m. and took off five minutes later than expected-7:55a.m. Currently, we are in the air just past Nashville. Yes, we still have a ways to go. I have earphones in with my music blasting to avoid the PG-13 romance flick going on in front of me. Come on people, are you trying to torture me today on these flights? But with all that said, now I have plenty of time to blog about life which I haven't had time to do in a while and I think everyone will be excited and slightly shocked with some of the updates if you don't already know them. 

On Monday, March 5, I made one of the biggest decisions that we as young adults make in our early lives. I accepted a job offer! After turning down three others, I immediately said yes to this one. (my job search/acceptance was a lot like Say Yes to the Dress but more like Say Yes to the Job) When I said yes, I started boo-hooing with absolute delight. My plans for years now has been to start my life in Raleigh, NC or somewhere in that area. Guess what....and no surprise here? That wasn't God's plan for me. 

God's plan for me is to start my life in Morehead City, North Carolina. MHC is about 2.5 east of Raleigh. It's on the coast and yes I am living at the beach. Next Friday is the big day, the official day. I get back from Vegas on Sunday and the movers come Wednesday. Ahhhhh it's all so soon and so stressful! (by the way, if you're reading this you are we,come to come help out) 

I can't wait to start my brand new life. It is completely clean slate kind of thing. I only know four people in the MHC area. I will be living in a two-story townhouse with my sweet little Cammie. I got a brand new car two days ago so I am ready to start this life all over. I keep thanking my Lord for this opportunity. 

I have always been the girl who makes decisions based on other people. I followed my high school honey to college, I changed my direction for my most recent ex and after much discussion, God and I decided it was my time. Time for me to make a decision for me so that's what I did and he has been so willing to help me do that. I serve a HUGE God! It's incredible. 

Of course, this hasn't all been paradise. I have been so stressed. I have sat up in my bed at night wondering, planning, changing mailing addresses online, praying....all the things that you say you want stress about but then you do. I have prayed that Grace will be okay without me, that Riley will still grow up knowing me, that Abigayle will Skype me wedding plans instead of forgetting I'm her Maid of Honor, that my Mama and Daddy will continue to see that I am doing what's best for me and not be sad, that my niece will improve her behavior even though I'm the only one that punishes her rather than just thinking she's precious. I pray and pray and pray for basically everything. 

God brought me this far and I know that he won't leave me hanging now. I know he is looking out for all the things that I'm stressing about. 

Have you ever heard Jeremiah 29:11? If you haven't you're missing out.... I adore, ADORE this verse, and it is arguably the truest bible verse there is. I may not have said that a month ago but there is no denying it now after everything I have been through. God does know the plans He has for us. I went through surgery and came out an absolute soldier! It wasn't an easy road but I learned a lot about myself and my Faith through it. I go back next week, the day before I move and also the day that I pass on my Ms. FMU title for my very first follow up since surgery. I would say please pray, and prayers are always appreciated, but I am overly confident that the Lord has this figured out for me and I am expecting to hear that there are no signs of cancer cells anywhere. 

As you can probably tell, I have a pretty big week ahead of me. Thanks for always letting me share. I'm gonna now sit back and place bets on how long it's gonna take this couple in front of us to slip off to the back. Hmmm some people.... 

The Chosen One

"I can count a million times people asking me how I praise with all that I've gone through."

I opened with song lyrics tonight. I found it very appropriate for the blog. I haven't blogged in....well AGES! However, there is good reason. 

God chose me for something. He chose me to be faced with the fear of cervical cancer at 21 years old. At first, I was so upset and didn't understand. 

Why me? 

Why? 

But then I remembered. We are to glorify God through the good and BAD times. That's such a hard concept to really put into play.

Imagine...me, God's chosen one! Okay so he didn't choose to send me on a big missions trip or for a big time job but he still chose me for something with the expectations that I would surely give him the glory and the honor and the praise. 

The pain is a little unhappy sometimes and the tests were painful. The surgery is a scary thought too. 

I know that most people like to give God glory when only the best things happen to them but as of last week, I have never had an easier time relying on my sweet Heavenly father to take control and work on and through me. 

I am a busy girl. A student, Ms. FMU, a fitness instructor, a personal trainer, a crossfitter, a sister, a daughter, a friend...the list goes on and on. But what's most important is that I always praise God for those things. 

I am a girl with cancer cells in her body, a fearful girl, a girl who knows that without God I would be a wreck right now. So I will praise him for those things too. 

"Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring a chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know there will be days when this life brings me pain but if that's what it takes to praise you...Jesus bring the rain." 

It's Either Home-Run or Strike-Out!

    There are those moments in life when nothing makes sense. Then, there are those moments when EVERYTHING makes sense. 
     Over the past four months, I have made one of the best friends I have ever had in my entire life. Granted, he is a guy and most people can't understand the relationship but he's been wonderful since day one. My biggest fear now, right now, at this very second, is losing our friendship for some crazy reason. I find that with our friendship we are always telling each other what we want to hear though. It's not that we don't love each other or trust each other but I think we just want the other to be happy so badly that we try to say nothing out of the way. 
     Last night after a couple beer...well maybe a few I guess he believed in the phrase "the truth shall set you free" because he braved up and told me some things about myself that maybe I was secretly aware of but just didn't want to admit. He said that I have extremities. I either like people and that means I really like them or I dislike people and that means I reallyyyy dislike them. There is really no in between with me. Also, he says that the people that I like, I give my absolute best to, no questions asked which is also completely true about me. Then he said it...the words that no one likes to hear about themselves. The words that you fight off because you are sure the assumption is wrong. "YOU HAVE YOUR GUARD UP SO HIGH, YOU, YOURSELF CAN'T EVEN SEE OVER IT!" Wait, what?!? What do you know about my guard and why do you think it's up? What makes you say that? Maybe I just don't like anyone seriously that I've met. Maybe I just have good judgment on people and prefer not to give them chance after chance. It's MY guard... You leave it alone! 
      I woke up at 4:49 a.m. and said to myself, "I have my guard up. Higher than most people that have been through worse relationships than me." He was right. I do have my guard up. I don't give people genuine chances because I'm so burnt out on this relationship thing. I am sad. I am scared. I am aching. I am selfish. I am not the bright eyed 15 year old that fell in love six years ago absolutely fearless. What happened to me? 
     In the next couple of months my goal is to give chances. I am going to look for the best in everyone. I won't judge people or assume that they will hurt me. I am just going to be bright eyed and fearless. I am going to trust God to give me wisdom and strength and even more strong decision-making skills. I love my life but I could love it so much more if I would let more people in. So that I will. 

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10